Tag Archives: how to avoid negative self talk

Sure fire tips for blog

Sure-Fire Tips to GET and KEEP Going

This morning, as I lay in Savasana after hot yoga, a cool compress is placed on my forehead by the instructor. I take a deep breath and relax, and think to myself: “I’m so glad I got out of bed to come to this class today.”

Whizzing down the line, I reach for the brake, grab it, and my feet land safely on the platform. What a rush and I think to myself: “That wasn’t bad at all, it was exhilarating! I’m so glad my family talked me into going zip lining.”

I’m listening to Tony Horton as he guides me through the cool down and stretch after a tough workout. Sweat is dripping, I’m completely spent but, my head is clear, my lungs feel cleansed, and my heart is energized. I think to myself: “Why do I make so many excuses for not “pushing play” when I know I’ll feel this good once the workout is done?”

I believe that if we all stopped to think just a bit more about “the after moment” while we debate, make excuses, and hem and haw over doing something that we’d all be so much better off. Do you ever stop to think about how you would feel AFTER taking a calculated risk? Do you pause to remind yourself of the benefits of saying “yes” to something when you toyed with saying “no?”

Why are we so scared of trying new things? Why, as we get older, does our “joie de vivre” and “carpe diem” approach to life start to fail?

As I think about the answers to these questions I am reminded of my own upbringing. I was raised in a very practical household. We were taught to work hard in school, go to college, and get a job at a company that would provide benefits and a retirement plan. I can recall conversations about “taking the safe route” and “don’t take a chance you might regret.” I think a lot of people of my generation had a similar upbringing. Even now, I find the same advice flowing from my mouth when I speak to my adult children.

Typically it’s in our 30s that we start to raise a family and we’re now responsible for much more than ourselves. Every action has a greater consequence. By the time we reach our 40s we’re working our tails off to provide for that family. Sacrifices multiply. Then, in our 50s we think back on our lives with regret. Why didn’t we try more? Do more? Say “yes” to more?

This being the season of Lent and Spring renewal, it’s a wonderful time for all of us to take inventory of our lives and think about what’s holding us back.

  1. Make time to pursue your interests. The most successful people I know understand that chasing success shouldn’t mean they have to forget pursuinng their favorite hobbies and interests. Take the opportunity to be creative, whatever it is you like to do most in your spare time and make some time to do it.
  2. Stop being so tough on yourself. Confidence has a lot to do with that internal voice in your head vocalizing all of the crummy thoughts. Author and speaker Brian Tracy says; “the mark of self-confidence is self-efficacy, or believing in your ability to perform well in your chosen activity.” Those with self-confidence know that no matter the challenge they’ll pull it off and succeed. You will try more and do more if you have more confidence in your ability and remove the constant self-doubt.
  3. Take fear out of the equation by having no expectations. It’s amazing to me how many women I coach sabotage their own success. They go a week or month of eating clean and exercising regularly and then quit because they fear they won’t be able to sustain it. Eating poorly and laying around is easy and comfortable, we get really good at that so why not just stay in that lane? Any goal we achieve in life is not easy. There are always ups and downs along the way and trial and error. We understand this to be true when it comes to our careers, raising children, and falling in love. For goodness sake, why don’t we accept there will be setbacks when improving our health…and more important: that those setbacks are OKAY? It doesn’t mean you don’t try and it surely doesn’t mean you quit when the going gets rough. You pause, evaluate, learn and make changes to keep moving forward, especially when…

…the alarm goes off for second time, you want to hit the “doze” button and skip yoga. Instead you think about that cool compress on your head and the feeling accomplishment you’ll have.

….you’re shaking in your sneakers as you get clipped into your harness before going zip lining and you’re about to turn back. Instead you visualize the person before you screaming for joy and think about what you’ll miss out on if you don’t step off that platform.

….you start to make every excuse in the book for not exercising (I’m tired, long day, no time, I’m sore, the garage is cold). Instead you think about how great you felt after the last workout and you decide to show up and just do your best.

How Your Negative Self Talk Is Holding You Back & Ways to Avoid It

This week, I want to share a wonderful article from Dr. Travis Bradberry. Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book,Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the cofounder of TalentSmart, the world’s leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. This is a great article about how your negative self-talk can make or break your goals. Enjoy!!

Your self-talk (the thoughts you have about your feelings) can make or break your career. When you make a mistake, they either magnify the negativity or help you turn that misstep into something productive.

Negative self-talk is unrealistic, unnecessary, and self-defeating. It sends you into a downward emotional spiral that is difficult to pull out of.

All self-talk is driven by important beliefs that you hold about yourself. It plays an understated but powerful role in success because it can both spur you forward to achieve your goals and hold you back.

“He who believes he can and he who believes he cannot are both correct.” -Henry Ford

TalentSmart has tested the emotional intelligence (EQ) of more than a million people and found that 90% of top performers are high in EQ. These successful, high EQ individuals possess an important skill—the ability to recognize and control negative self-talk so that it doesn’t prevent them from reaching their full potential.

These successful people earn an average of $28,000 more annually than their low EQ peers, get promoted more often, and receive higher marks on performance evaluations. The link between EQ and earnings is so direct that every point increase in EQ adds $1,300 to an annual salary.

When it comes to self-talk, we’ve discovered some common thoughts that hold people back more than any others. Be mindful of your tendencies to succumb to these thoughts, so that they don’t derail your career:

Perfection equals success. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure, and end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish, instead of enjoying what you were able to achieve.

My destiny is predetermined. Far too many people succumb to the highly irrational idea that they are destined to succeed or fail. Make no mistake about it, your destiny is in your own hands, and blaming multiple successes or failures on forces beyond your control is nothing more than a cop out. Sometimes life will deal you difficult cards to play, and others times you’ll be holding aces. Your willingness to give your all in playing any hand you’re holding determines your ultimate success or failure in life.

I “always” or “never” do that. There isn’t anything in life that you always or never do. You may do something a lot or not do something enough, but framing your behavior in terms of “always” or “never” is a form of self-pity. It makes you believe that you have no control of yourself and will never change. Don’t succumb to it.

I succeed when others approve of me. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain⎯you’re never as good or bad as they say you are. It’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, but you can take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what people think about you, your self-worth comes only from within.

My past equals my future. Repeated failures can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe you’ll achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time, these failures result from taking risks and trying to achieve something that isn’t easy. Just remember that success lies in your ability to rise in the face of failure. Anything worth achieving is going to require you to take some risks, and you can’t allow failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed.

My emotions equal my reality. If you’ve read Emotional Intelligence 2.0, you know how to take an objective look at your feelings and separate fact from fiction. If not, you might want to read it. Otherwise, your emotions will continue to skew your sense of reality, making you vulnerable to the negative self-talk that can hold you back from achieving your full potential.

Bringing It All Together

I hope these lessons are as useful to you as they have been to me over the years. As I write them, I’m reminded of their power and my desire to use them every day.

What other toxic thoughts do successful people quarantine? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below, as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book,Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the cofounder of TalentSmart, the world’s leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry has written for, or been covered by,Newsweek, TIME, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.