Tag Archives: emotional intelligence

emotional demons

How to Fight Inner Demons

We all have emotional demons. Whether it’s that little red devil on your shoulder saying: “It’s okay, skip your workout, eat the cake, what’s the big deal?” Or bigger demons like fear, uncertainty, or doubt preventing you from achieving your dreams. Don’t let those demons get the best of you.  Your dreams are there for the taking and meant to be achieved if you fight back.

I was a stressful kid who worried about a lot of things. My parents feared I would have an ulcer before turning 18. I can’t thank my mom enough for helping me deal with my demons. Oh, they still show their face now and then but, she and some other great mentors I’ve had along the way have taught me a few things that have helped me deal with them.

  1. Lower your expectations. I know this might sound counterintuitive to achieving goals, but it sure helped me to relax. I strived to get all “As” in middle and high school and be the best at everything I tried to the point where I’d work myself into a tizzy. We can’t excel at everything and we’re often stifled to try something new because we think we won’t excel at it. Of course we can’t excel at something we’ve never done before. When I became okay with getting a “B” and took myself a little less seriously, it opened the door to me enjoying life more fully.
  2. Put things in perspective. More often than not, I would exaggerate my circumstances in my mind. I began to realize that whatever challenge I was facing, it was typically not as bad or as important as I made it out to be. Is that work deadline really worth missing your son’s soccer game? Is the reason to lose 30 pounds to impress the people at your 30th college reunion or should you rethink your purpose?
  3. Start with the positive. I know very few people who truly look at the positive side of any challenge first. In all the years I’ve coached others I would say that 80% have a tendency to think about their weaknesses first rather than their strengths. Every day you have a choice to be grateful or regretful. You can set out to seize the day or become victim to it. Making a conscience effort to filter out the negative thoughts and be more mindful toward positive, uplifting ones does wonders toward building unshakeable confidence.
  4. Choose your emotional enemies. Some fears are meant to overcome and others are not simply because you may not be better off for it. If you haven’t started a fitness program because of fear of getting hurt, then you are making a choice to limit or shorten your life.  On other hand, if you have a fear of heights that doesn’t mean you have to go skydiving. Face the emotional demons that are truly preventing you from personal growth and development.

How Your Negative Self Talk Is Holding You Back & Ways to Avoid It

This week, I want to share a wonderful article from Dr. Travis Bradberry. Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book,Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the cofounder of TalentSmart, the world’s leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. This is a great article about how your negative self-talk can make or break your goals. Enjoy!!

Your self-talk (the thoughts you have about your feelings) can make or break your career. When you make a mistake, they either magnify the negativity or help you turn that misstep into something productive.

Negative self-talk is unrealistic, unnecessary, and self-defeating. It sends you into a downward emotional spiral that is difficult to pull out of.

All self-talk is driven by important beliefs that you hold about yourself. It plays an understated but powerful role in success because it can both spur you forward to achieve your goals and hold you back.

“He who believes he can and he who believes he cannot are both correct.” -Henry Ford

TalentSmart has tested the emotional intelligence (EQ) of more than a million people and found that 90% of top performers are high in EQ. These successful, high EQ individuals possess an important skill—the ability to recognize and control negative self-talk so that it doesn’t prevent them from reaching their full potential.

These successful people earn an average of $28,000 more annually than their low EQ peers, get promoted more often, and receive higher marks on performance evaluations. The link between EQ and earnings is so direct that every point increase in EQ adds $1,300 to an annual salary.

When it comes to self-talk, we’ve discovered some common thoughts that hold people back more than any others. Be mindful of your tendencies to succumb to these thoughts, so that they don’t derail your career:

Perfection equals success. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure, and end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish, instead of enjoying what you were able to achieve.

My destiny is predetermined. Far too many people succumb to the highly irrational idea that they are destined to succeed or fail. Make no mistake about it, your destiny is in your own hands, and blaming multiple successes or failures on forces beyond your control is nothing more than a cop out. Sometimes life will deal you difficult cards to play, and others times you’ll be holding aces. Your willingness to give your all in playing any hand you’re holding determines your ultimate success or failure in life.

I “always” or “never” do that. There isn’t anything in life that you always or never do. You may do something a lot or not do something enough, but framing your behavior in terms of “always” or “never” is a form of self-pity. It makes you believe that you have no control of yourself and will never change. Don’t succumb to it.

I succeed when others approve of me. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain⎯you’re never as good or bad as they say you are. It’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, but you can take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what people think about you, your self-worth comes only from within.

My past equals my future. Repeated failures can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe you’ll achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time, these failures result from taking risks and trying to achieve something that isn’t easy. Just remember that success lies in your ability to rise in the face of failure. Anything worth achieving is going to require you to take some risks, and you can’t allow failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed.

My emotions equal my reality. If you’ve read Emotional Intelligence 2.0, you know how to take an objective look at your feelings and separate fact from fiction. If not, you might want to read it. Otherwise, your emotions will continue to skew your sense of reality, making you vulnerable to the negative self-talk that can hold you back from achieving your full potential.

Bringing It All Together

I hope these lessons are as useful to you as they have been to me over the years. As I write them, I’m reminded of their power and my desire to use them every day.

What other toxic thoughts do successful people quarantine? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below, as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book,Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the cofounder of TalentSmart, the world’s leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry has written for, or been covered by,Newsweek, TIME, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.